Rutgers, The State Embarrassment of New Jersey

No, this is not about Gary Waters.

This is about Roberta Shulman Kanarick, the so-called president of the woeful, shameful Rutgers Alumni Association. I have received two letters from her in the mail in recent weeks, and each one deserves much scorn.

The first began with: "You have been prequalified for the Rutgers University Alumni Federation Select Rewards Visa Platinum Card! Hurry! Offer expires March 15, 2006. Sincerely, Roberta Shulman Kanarick." There is a P.S., which states: "Pay off higher-rate credit cards and save money!"

I am certainly glad Ms. Shulman Kanarick pointed this out, because I would have never deduced such financial and mathematical logic on my own after the substandard education she rightly assumed I received at her offending university.

Apparently, Ms. Shulman Kanarick's worthless organization has nothing better to do but sell my address to credit-card companies and pollute my mailbox with more junk.

Onto the second letter, which arrived last week:

It is a request that I re-join our Alumni Association, which I belatedly abandoned at the end of the 2004 calendar year. I will not agree to this.

Let me say this: As a member of the Ohio State Alumni Association, I have witnessed first-hand the true potential of an alumni association. Every week in the fall, more than 300 people turn out at the appointed gin mill to cheer on the Buckeyes.

Once a year, Jim Tressel comes to talk to the group. Once a year, the group takes a trip on the ski train up to Winter Park for the day. Once a year, they hold a Big 10 Picnic, which is well-attended by every single conference school. Everyone gets drunk, eats a lot and generally has a good time. They have lots of other trips as well, baseball games, national championships, etc.

The Rutgers Alumni Association, on the other hand, has held four events in the six years that I have lived in Denver.

I once asked the local chapter president why we didn't have more events. She snarled at me, "Because I don't have time to do anything else." Three of the events were trips to Rockies games, and I was working all three years.

However, I did attend the most recent event, in the summer of 2004. It was a gathering at The Rio, a Denver restaurant that serves powerful margaritas. The pernt of the gathering was to solicit ideas on how to make the RAA a more active club. I haven't heard from them since.

It is worth pointing out that all the Big 10 schools have people my age milling all around. At the Rutgers gathering, Ericka and I were two of the few people there under 45. The older gentlemen at our table -- I believe his name was Ed -- spent his evening ogling Ericka's rack, and making little attempt to hide this.

This is the organization that Ms. Shulman Kanarick wants me to rejoin. She writes: "Membership also gives us discounts to Rutgers bookstores and sporting events, hotels, movie theaters, (sic) and theme parks, just to name a few."

For the record, I never received one of these discounts during my five years of membership.

I am going to write a letter to Dick McCormick asking she be dismissed, right after Waters.
Good riddance.