News flash: "Dog crap threatens Pleasantville"

Arriving home from work today, I found the inaugural edition of the "Ryan/Ulrich News" stuffed into my mailbox along with the regular pile of coupons, credit card solicitations and bills.

Ryan and Ulrich are two of the streets in our Pleasantville subdivision, so at first I assumed this was someone's nifty effort at creating a hyperlocal news product to replace the "dying newspaper" in our close-knit community.

Upon further investigation, however, I learned this news product was the creation of someone whose target audience was perhaps even smaller than hyperlocal -- microlocal? -- it was directed at the owner/owners of two dogs who have apparently been crapping all over our neighborhood.

"Wanted: (sic) for being off leash," the alarming headline read. "Bonnie and Clyde."

A short synopsis of smoldering anger is accompanied by five pictures, three of the offending pooches in their squatting positions and two close-ups of their brown droppings.

The publication then points out that the writer became a part of his/her own story -- never a good idea for you prospective journalists out there -- and picked up the refuse themselves.

I can sympathize with the letter writer. I'd prefer to not be confronted by this obviously dangerous twosome, and certainly do not want to encounter their curly refuse. I'd prefer that Pleasantville be free of such unsightly products.

However, what bothers me more than the occasional stray turd is the knowledge that there's some neighborhood busybody who has nothing better to do with his/her time than craft and distribute these elaborate newsletters -- leaflets that include freaking pictures of the dogs caught in the act.

A better idea? Invest that time in seeking out the owners of Bonnie and Clyde, and rationally explaining the nuisance created by their lax oversight. I know where one of the dogs lives. It's not that hard, certainly not as hard as investing a ton of time and ill will into a ridiculous newsletter anonymously distributed throughout the neighborhood.

Anonymity is nothing but a veil for cowardice.

Sincerely,

Squawking VFR