Tuesday, March 28, 2006

All Along The CD Tower

While organizing my CDs the other day, I questioned the need for certain albums to remain in the collection. I did no vetting this time, but next time, there will surely be some discs ripe for elimination.

Here's a look at the three albums I am most embarrassed to own. Have fun mocking me for the following atrocities:

1. The Bridge, Billy Joel.

To call this album a piece of shit would be a disservice to dung. I suspect I purchased this album circa age 12 because I liked "A Matter of Trust," which interestingly enough, might be the one track from this disc that has stood the test of time. But otherwise, it is quintessential 1980s, from the opening "Running On Ice" drek to the well-known "This is the Time," which I remember oh so well from all those eighth-grade dances. The Bridge came at a time where the '70s had left Billy behind, and he hadn't quite transitioned to his easy-listening tunes yet.

2. Away From The Sun, Three Doors Down

Pussy rock at its worst -- or finest -- depending how you look at it. I'm sorry I own this. I really am, OK? I can't explain it. I've only listened to it once, I swear. I don't know how it wound up in my home.

3. Pump, Aerosmith.

No, there was nothing truly terrible about this album -- at least, it sounded somewhat cool the last time I listened to it ... as a freshman in high school.

But Pump was sort of like a gateway drug. It was not the needle in the vein officially ending Aerosmith's reign as a kick-ass band. But it was a precursor to all the syrup the group produced throughout the 1990s and into the new millenium, marking its transition from legitimate band to teeny-bop hooey manufacturers.


Onto a new category. Next up are a few albums you would think I'd be embarrassed to own, but I'm actually quite proud to enjoy.

1. Fore!, Huey Lewis

As the fifth tune on this disc proudly declares, it is indeed Hip To Be Square. The first four songs on this album are cheesy 80s icons: Jacob's Ladder, Stuck With You, Whole Lotta Lovin', and Doin' It All For My Baby. All this album is missing is the track popularized by Back To the Future ... "Power Of Love."

2. Business As Usual, Men At Work

Down Under produces its own version of The Police. Colin Hay's schtick might be lifted from Sting, but there's nothing wrong with the sax-driven "Who Can It Be Now?" The "Land Down Under" is a timeless catchy tune, which has the added benefit of teaching the masses about vegemite sandwiches.



At 6:14 AM, Blogger Dan said...

I would argue that Permanent Vacation ushered Aerosmith into the era of schlock. Upon hearing "Angel," it's clear that they should have stayed on heroin.

At 6:49 PM, Blogger Todd Cohen said...

As a fellow Back to the Future fan, I used to own the Huey Lewis CD as well. I must admit, I enjoyed "Sports" a little more.

Especially when I'd listen to "Walking on a Thin Line" and wonder if Ol' Huey was actually singing "Fucking on a Thin Line." Cracked my 13-year-old ass up.

At 5:09 AM, Blogger Jay said...

How can you rip The Bridge when it includes a collaboration with the musical genius that is Cyndi Lauper?

At 8:10 AM, Blogger Joependleton said...

PETE: A few thoughts.

As a man who would rather drink piss than listen to Billy Joel, I'd say any album of his is pure shit. I used to listen to the Stranger album when I was younger, but I also shit my pants when I was younger, so take that for what it's worth.

As for 3-Doors down, I own "Pocket Full of Kryptonite" by the Spin Doctors and two "Bush" albums so I feel your pain.

As for Dan's Aerosmith diss, I agree with the Permanent Vacation rip, but "Dude Looks Like a Lady" is one of my favorite tunes of all time (Don't tell anyone though).

As for Albums I'm proud to own, here's a short list.

1. Thriller by Jacko. I know, I know, but this album is a pop masterpiece. Try to wipe the molested boys out of your memory while listening and it's not bad.

2. At Worst, the Best of Boy George and Culture Club. Again, a pop masterpiece. Karma Chameleon an all-time great.

3. Decade - The Best of Duran Duran. Just put on "Wild Boys" and thoughts turn to the 86 Met video with Nails and Wally diving all over the place.

OK, now some non-80s guilty pleasure.

1. Jellyfish: Great album. Where did they go to?

2. Barry Manilow's greatest hits: Want to get into a dame's drawers in seconds. Bust this baby out.

3. I have 3 Offspring albums. If I ever need to get completely wound up (which isn't often, because I usually am anyway) I bust these out.

Great work, Pete. This is why the internet was invented.

At 11:05 AM, Blogger Joependleton said...

Cat, not to rip you, but the tune is called "down under" not "land down under".



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